A letter to the Surgeon

A couple of years ago I wrote the following letter to the surgeon that operated on mum. I didn't expect a reply but i did get one and although I can't find the reply right now the basis of it was that she could go into hospital to be monitored to find out what the problem was and a suggestion to see a Consultant again. He did seem sympathetic that she hadn't fully recovered as well. Nice to get a reply but after the last Consultant told her that "I don't know what the problem is and I don't know how to fix it", it seemed pointless to go down that route again. Also mum has a fear of catching something nasty whilst staying in an NHS hospital and so won't go into one unless she is at deaths door!

Dear Sir,

I wonder if you recall a patient you operated on 5 yrs ago last March/April? I am sure you wouldn’t but perhaps you would indulge me in reminding you of Mrs J, my now 70 year old mother, who needed an emergency operation at Torbay Hospital for a blockage in the bowel.

I remember the nurses at the time saying she would be able to get to America to see her Son and Grandson by July of that year and how she was most likely to make a good recovery.

I’m certain as an operation where the patient didn’t die you consider it another ‘successful’ outcome but perhaps you are not familiar enough with the term ‘quality of life’ to put another tick in that box?

It’s certainly not as bad for her as it once was with uncontrollable episodes of diarrhoea 20-30 times within a 24 hour period (now the uncontrollable episodes are ‘only’ 4-10 times a day on average) but when on days it does become as bad or she again messes herself in the high street outside Woolworths or in Tescos car park she certainly has thoughts that perhaps it would have better not to survive the original operation 5/6 years ago.

We have tried to help ourselves. I have taken her to the Dr, the incontinence clinic, consultants, the dietician and have even written to Jan De Vries for herbal advice of which although didn’t have any benefits certainly didn’t cause the horrendous side effects that antibiotics have had (the usual ‘remedy’.)

She wears a nappy wherever she goes and stays close to home to reach the toilet sooner rather than later although many is a time i have washed excrement from the drive, car seat and the hallway and on such days i do everything as it drains and shatters her physically and mentally.

My life is on hold until she is cured or dies as it’s my job to stick by her as she has done for me all my life and my very pretty ex girlfriend will certainly confirm that a man with a sick and needy mum in the background is no great catch. She is now living in New Zealand next to a lake and forests as she couldn’t wait any longer for my ‘personal circumstance to improve’. I guess she did the right thing as they haven’t.. and probably never will.

I apportion no blame although how can you when consultants tell you “I don’t know what causes this or how to help it go away” but thought it right you should know the results that perhaps you never see or hear of once a patient has been “sent home to ‘get on with it”.


Yours sincerely,
David

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